Often times, in my line of work I get asked if I am in recovery. My answer is usually ambivalent. I tell people in a sense yes and a sense no. The truth is, I have no addiction to a chemical substance. Have I struggled with substance abuse in the past? Emphatically, I must say yes. I have bordered on the line of alcoholism and made some pretty stupid choices. However, by the grace of God, my consequences were nil, and I was able to recognize my patterns of behavior and took control and changed the negative behaviors. I enjoy certain pharmacological pills; I know if I get a hold of them, it will be difficult to stop taking them. I enjoy them that much. Again, by the grace of God, I have not pursued these pills and when I do have them, I am learning to get rid of them without taking them. So no, I am not in recovery that I have to go to a meeting every day for 90 days or 90/90.
I do however,have some things in my life I consider an ongoing battle, a struggle, an addiction. These are things I am not proud of, in fact, I am ashamed, often times riddled with guilt. As I do this study on the names of God, I can't help but be amazed that He is IMMANUEL, God with us.
Take into account Peter. I have read his story over and over and today I realized something new, not about Peter but about IMMANUEL.
Luke 5:1-11
One day as Jesus was preaching on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, great crowds pressed in on him to listen to the word of God. he noticed two empty boats at the water's edge, for the fishermen had left them and were washing their nets. Stepping into one of the boats, Jesus asked Simon, its owner, to push it out into the water. So he sat in the boat and taught the crowds from there. When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish." "master," Simon replied, "we worked hard all last night and didn't catch a thing. But if you say so, I'll let the nets down again." And this time their nets were so full of fish, they began to tear! A shout for help brought their partners in the other boat, and soon both boats were filled with fish and on the verge of sinking. When Simon Peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before Jesus and said, "OH,LORD, PLEASE LEAVE ME-- I'M TOO MUCH OF A SINNER TO BE AROUND YOU." For he was awestruck by the number of fish they had caught, as were the others with him. His partners, James and John, the sons of Zebedee were also amazed. Jesus replied to Simon, "Don't be afraid! From now on you'll be fishing for people!" And as soon as they landed, they left everything and followed Jesus.
HOLY CRAP! Peter immediately recognized how much of a sinner he was and unworthy to be in the presence of someone who was holy and filled with the power of God. At this point, he didn't even know that Jesus was IMMANUEL, the one who would restore and save him. And Jesus' reply... "DON'T BE AFRAID! FROM NOW ON YOU'LL BE FISHING FOR PEOPLE" In other words, come and be a part of who I am and the work I have come to do. If you continue to read the story of Peter you will see that the man is a complete and utter disaster. He fell on his face numerous times, denied ever knowing Christ, doubted the power of Jesus on a number of occasions, and almost always completely missed the point Jesus was trying to make. And all Jesus did was walk with him, love him, DIED for him and used him in an amazing manner.
As I reflect on this, I see myself. I do the exact same thing. When I get into my habitual sin, persistent failures I try to hide from God. Rather than say "PLEASE GO AWAY FROM ME," I just run the opposite direction. I should be an Olympic medalist by now. I would rather hide my face from him and live in darkness, than come to him with my shame and guilt. Problem is, He is IMMANUEL! He is with me, even when I can't sense him because of my stubborn and foolish pride. King David said it best...
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
f I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Psalms 139:1-12
There is nothing I can do, nowhere I can hide. He is after all IMMANUEL! How awesome!
So am I in recovery? YES! My name is Mike and I am addicted to sin.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
What is in a name?
Wow, it has been a minute since I have posted. I guess I got crazy busy or crazy and lazy. Any who, a lot has happened since my last post. For instance, I am no longer living in the DFW metroplex. I officially have moved out to the dusty west Texas plains and reside in the bustling metropolis of... that's right, LUBBOCK!!!!! I have an awesome new job working as a collegiate counselor at the Ranch at Dove Tree, a residential treatment center for substance abuse and chemical dependency. I love it! I am not so sure about Lubbock though lol. Time will tell. All I can say is that God has his hand in all this, not exactly sure how yet, but what can I do but trust?
Well with this change, I decided to start a new Bible study. It has always been a desire of mine to grow more intimate with God and I felt the best way to do this was to become intimate with the characteristics and qualities of who He is. I plan on doing this through a study of his many, many, many names. I found this study on www.crosswalk.com entitled "Praying the Names of God." I thought I would share my journey with you... (whoever you are). So here we go!
GOD/JESUS
ALIAS 1: IMMANUEL- God with us
Matthew 1:18-23
This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her fiance, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. "Joseph, son of David" the angel said, "do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord's message through his prophet:
"Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and they will call him IMMANUEL, which means 'God is with us.'
There was a time when God walked with his creations, however this has not occurred since the Garden of Eden. This time ended when sin entered the world. Because of this sin, we are separated from our creator, deserving a fate far worse than death... eternal separation from God. Paul states in Romans that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and because of this we deserve our fate. "for the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" This too me is overwhelming. Every time I screw up, every time I feel helpless or hopeless, tangled by my own evil desires and sinful nature, I can't help believe the lie that God doesn't love me and that I have f***** up one too many times for him to bring me back to restoration. But then I remember, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him, shall not parish but have everlasting life." Once again, our God came to walk among us, to be with us. How awesome is that! Even now, as Christ is with the Father, he gave us the Spirit to be with us, to guide us, to help us. Our creator loves us that he chose to be with us that we may be redeemed and restored. This is our Immanuel! I hope you will take time to reflect and remember that God is with you and will always be with you!
Well with this change, I decided to start a new Bible study. It has always been a desire of mine to grow more intimate with God and I felt the best way to do this was to become intimate with the characteristics and qualities of who He is. I plan on doing this through a study of his many, many, many names. I found this study on www.crosswalk.com entitled "Praying the Names of God." I thought I would share my journey with you... (whoever you are). So here we go!
GOD/JESUS
ALIAS 1: IMMANUEL- God with us
Matthew 1:18-23
This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her fiance, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. "Joseph, son of David" the angel said, "do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord's message through his prophet:
"Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and they will call him IMMANUEL, which means 'God is with us.'
There was a time when God walked with his creations, however this has not occurred since the Garden of Eden. This time ended when sin entered the world. Because of this sin, we are separated from our creator, deserving a fate far worse than death... eternal separation from God. Paul states in Romans that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and because of this we deserve our fate. "for the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" This too me is overwhelming. Every time I screw up, every time I feel helpless or hopeless, tangled by my own evil desires and sinful nature, I can't help believe the lie that God doesn't love me and that I have f***** up one too many times for him to bring me back to restoration. But then I remember, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him, shall not parish but have everlasting life." Once again, our God came to walk among us, to be with us. How awesome is that! Even now, as Christ is with the Father, he gave us the Spirit to be with us, to guide us, to help us. Our creator loves us that he chose to be with us that we may be redeemed and restored. This is our Immanuel! I hope you will take time to reflect and remember that God is with you and will always be with you!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
One Day at a Time
THE SERENITY PRAYER
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life; and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
So the past few weeks have been pretty crazy. What I have learned... I fight to much to have things my way. God is so much bigger than my narcissism, and pride. What it comes down to is obedience, all he has asked us to do is to follow him. Lay down our life, take up our cross and follow him. Almost 2 weeks ago, a patient suicided, it was pretty hard for me and my colleagues. This past week, work was pretty difficult, high volume of patients, and high stress of course. Wednesday, my house was broken into, things were taken. All the while, I have been struggling with just letting go and obeying God, accepting his grace and forgiveness, and being patient for his timing that things will be come easier/less hectic. Well for once, I decided I would do all 3 things.
As of today, I am officially 1 week sober. (I joined the wagon finally) And to qualify this statement, I am not an "alcoholic." but I have been known to occasionally binge and abuse the sauce, and the past few weeks were a huge test in terms of healthy coping skills for stress, and a couple of times, all I could think about was the easy fix, the bottom of a bottle. I am not that person nor do I aspire to be, so I prayed and I know for an indefinite period of time this is what God is asking of me.
I am letting go of all the rest and placing it in God's hands. Since then, believe it or not, I feel better, happier, less anxious... Content. It is funny how that works.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life; and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
So the past few weeks have been pretty crazy. What I have learned... I fight to much to have things my way. God is so much bigger than my narcissism, and pride. What it comes down to is obedience, all he has asked us to do is to follow him. Lay down our life, take up our cross and follow him. Almost 2 weeks ago, a patient suicided, it was pretty hard for me and my colleagues. This past week, work was pretty difficult, high volume of patients, and high stress of course. Wednesday, my house was broken into, things were taken. All the while, I have been struggling with just letting go and obeying God, accepting his grace and forgiveness, and being patient for his timing that things will be come easier/less hectic. Well for once, I decided I would do all 3 things.
As of today, I am officially 1 week sober. (I joined the wagon finally) And to qualify this statement, I am not an "alcoholic." but I have been known to occasionally binge and abuse the sauce, and the past few weeks were a huge test in terms of healthy coping skills for stress, and a couple of times, all I could think about was the easy fix, the bottom of a bottle. I am not that person nor do I aspire to be, so I prayed and I know for an indefinite period of time this is what God is asking of me.
I am letting go of all the rest and placing it in God's hands. Since then, believe it or not, I feel better, happier, less anxious... Content. It is funny how that works.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
A Sling and a Stone
Why is it that when we have past encounters and successes with God, we so easily forget? It is as if every time we are faced with a new battle, we forget how God has previously delivered us and we assume he can't do it this time. Or maybe we know God has saved us once, but this time it is far beyond his capability.
1 Samuel 17:20-47 is the story of David and Goliath. Sorry but you have to read it for yourself, it is too much to type out. Anyway, I have read and heard this story so many times before, but recently God has shed some new light on this oldie but goodie and I wanted to share with you.
1. First thing to recognize is that David was being a good son and brother, his father sent him to take them food for the battle (verse 22). He goes to greet them.
2. David's oldest brother Eliab becomes angry with him (verse 28). It is important to realize that even in our struggles, we might not have the full understanding and support of those closest to us, they might be judgmental and even hateful.
3. The King & the Israelites can only see the half truth. They can't beat the Philistines. One man can not defeat this giant that stands before them. (the human condition has severe limitations) Israelites/Saul= weak & afraid. David= small boy through man's eyes they would all be destroyed because Goliath was a giant and the champion of the Philistines
4. David however sees the whole truth. All things are possible through God. He relies on past victories over a lion and a bear. He gives those victories and the glory to God. A lion and a bear have the strength to tear a man a part much less a small boy and yet God delivered him. He draws on these experiences for faith in the current situation. God did it once, he will do it again. (verses 34-37)
5. We can not achieve victory on mans wisdom and design. Saul tried to get on board with David and so he gave David his armor, however it was too big and David could not use it because he was not used to it. (verses 38-39)
6. The face off: Goliath: a giant with a sword, a spear, and a javelin. Weapons meant to kill and destroy those who would contest him. David: a shepherd boy, a sling, a stone, faith in God. He claimed his victory and gave the Glory to God and God gave him victory.
It is my prayer to have this kind of Faith. The limit of man is great; the limit of God does not exist.
1 Samuel 17:20-47 is the story of David and Goliath. Sorry but you have to read it for yourself, it is too much to type out. Anyway, I have read and heard this story so many times before, but recently God has shed some new light on this oldie but goodie and I wanted to share with you.
1. First thing to recognize is that David was being a good son and brother, his father sent him to take them food for the battle (verse 22). He goes to greet them.
2. David's oldest brother Eliab becomes angry with him (verse 28). It is important to realize that even in our struggles, we might not have the full understanding and support of those closest to us, they might be judgmental and even hateful.
3. The King & the Israelites can only see the half truth. They can't beat the Philistines. One man can not defeat this giant that stands before them. (the human condition has severe limitations) Israelites/Saul= weak & afraid. David= small boy through man's eyes they would all be destroyed because Goliath was a giant and the champion of the Philistines
4. David however sees the whole truth. All things are possible through God. He relies on past victories over a lion and a bear. He gives those victories and the glory to God. A lion and a bear have the strength to tear a man a part much less a small boy and yet God delivered him. He draws on these experiences for faith in the current situation. God did it once, he will do it again. (verses 34-37)
5. We can not achieve victory on mans wisdom and design. Saul tried to get on board with David and so he gave David his armor, however it was too big and David could not use it because he was not used to it. (verses 38-39)
6. The face off: Goliath: a giant with a sword, a spear, and a javelin. Weapons meant to kill and destroy those who would contest him. David: a shepherd boy, a sling, a stone, faith in God. He claimed his victory and gave the Glory to God and God gave him victory.
It is my prayer to have this kind of Faith. The limit of man is great; the limit of God does not exist.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Just Around the River Bend
I put this as my facebook status and I wanted to expand on it.
"Life is not a straight line..." -John Piper.
You can take this quote and run with it in a million directions. A long time time ago, and by a long time, I mean just over 10 years, I was a junior in high school. I am pretty sure I was clinically depressed but I trucked on through it. I had little motivation to do anything and it was pretty rough. I used to write a lot back then, here is one of my pieces.
"The Journey"
A journey down a treacherous path-
a winding course with rugged mountains-
burning deserts and mighty oceans
on this path lies many forks.
Go right here!
Go left there,
or maybe just go straight.
Either way it won't be easy;
each path has its ups and downs.
The point of this incessant journey
is to reach our final destination.
Life is nothing but a journey,
and the world is just a prison,
until the journey comes to an end.
This prison is a melancholy void
slowly spiraling to its demise.
It is up to us to choose
whether or not we go with it.
For the choices we make,
and the paths we take,
determine our fate.
-02-07-00.
Can I just say that I am grateful for the grace of God. Life is not about the final destination, rather it is about the Journey. We will never walk down easy paths, they may at some point be quite pleasant in level fields with beautiful scenery. Other times the roads will be winding, and twisting uphill, downhill, rough terrain. It is important to know we will never be alone. We have a God who has been where we have been and who now chooses to walk with us and often times carry us through this journey. The other beauty... we walk together in fellowship and support.
"Life is not a straight line..." -John Piper.
You can take this quote and run with it in a million directions. A long time time ago, and by a long time, I mean just over 10 years, I was a junior in high school. I am pretty sure I was clinically depressed but I trucked on through it. I had little motivation to do anything and it was pretty rough. I used to write a lot back then, here is one of my pieces.
"The Journey"
A journey down a treacherous path-
a winding course with rugged mountains-
burning deserts and mighty oceans
on this path lies many forks.
Go right here!
Go left there,
or maybe just go straight.
Either way it won't be easy;
each path has its ups and downs.
The point of this incessant journey
is to reach our final destination.
Life is nothing but a journey,
and the world is just a prison,
until the journey comes to an end.
This prison is a melancholy void
slowly spiraling to its demise.
It is up to us to choose
whether or not we go with it.
For the choices we make,
and the paths we take,
determine our fate.
-02-07-00.
Can I just say that I am grateful for the grace of God. Life is not about the final destination, rather it is about the Journey. We will never walk down easy paths, they may at some point be quite pleasant in level fields with beautiful scenery. Other times the roads will be winding, and twisting uphill, downhill, rough terrain. It is important to know we will never be alone. We have a God who has been where we have been and who now chooses to walk with us and often times carry us through this journey. The other beauty... we walk together in fellowship and support.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Forks and Roads
I can't remember where I got this from but it is a very powerful prayer that I once prayed and God has been reminding me of it lately.
"Beloved whenever you are in doubt as to which way to turn, submit your judgment absolutely to the spirit of God, asking him "blessed spirit, I give to you the entire responsibility of closing every road and stopping every step that is not of God. Let me hear your voice behind me whenever I turn aside to the right or to the left."
I have been doing a ton of thinking, reflecting and seeking as God has prompted me in my heart. I am at a cross roads in life and what I keep coming back to is obedience. Christ was obedient to death on a cross, Abraham was obedient to the point he was willing to sacrifice his son. Noah was obedient enough to build an ark in a dry arid land for over 100 years. Paul obedient to death, Stephen... to death. Me????? Good question.
"Beloved whenever you are in doubt as to which way to turn, submit your judgment absolutely to the spirit of God, asking him "blessed spirit, I give to you the entire responsibility of closing every road and stopping every step that is not of God. Let me hear your voice behind me whenever I turn aside to the right or to the left."
I have been doing a ton of thinking, reflecting and seeking as God has prompted me in my heart. I am at a cross roads in life and what I keep coming back to is obedience. Christ was obedient to death on a cross, Abraham was obedient to the point he was willing to sacrifice his son. Noah was obedient enough to build an ark in a dry arid land for over 100 years. Paul obedient to death, Stephen... to death. Me????? Good question.
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