Do not go gentle into that good night...

So the weekend did not go according to plan. Recently, I purchased the "life recovery" Bible because of its use of 12-step and celebrate recovery principles through scripture and prayer. It has amazing tools not only for the field I work in but for my life, my personal sin, and the constant messes I find myself in spiritually. I have been working through a particular bible study that follows through the 12 steps and I am beginning the 4th step as of this evening. Now, the 4th steps states that "we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves" I have done a 4th step inventory before and it was by far one of the most emotionally difficult things I have done. Honestly, I didn't want to revisit it, or even reflect on it, so instead of doing the healthy and proper thing. I chose to ignore it and put off my Bible studies and time with God. This led to a number of things that made this weekend for me less then pleasant (on an emotional and spiritual level). Thankfully it was only a few days and not weeks to months on end of rebellion and vicious cycles of nasty habits and self loathing. So, here I am today, ready to once again revisit those places inside me that while maybe dark to even my own eyes, the "light of the world" can see.

It is funny how timing works. Of course I think this is God and his sense of humor or irony if you will. The step 4 bible study focused on Adam and Eve, and how they hid from God and yet he knew where they were and what they did. At the same time, the study I am doing on the names of God continues to focus on the name for Christ: "light of the World"

As that light, nothing is hid from God. "darkness is as light" to him. I have also been reading through the Psalms and praying Psalms 19:12-14

How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

This life we walk through is never easy; the way we cope with it is sometimes very unhealthy; and often times we, especially me, I get stuck in these unhealthy behaviors, unhealthy coping patterns and repetitively and incessantly fail. It is that lack of control and need to daily give it over to God. So, Just for today, I will give my troubles, my shame, my guilt, and even my joy over to the one who sees all, and gives grace and rest to all. One of my favorite passages is as follows.

He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-- with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
Psalm 103:9-19

What is in a name?

Wow, it has been a minute since I have posted. I guess I got crazy busy or crazy and lazy. Any who, a lot has happened since my last post. For instance, I am no longer living in the DFW metroplex. I officially have moved out to the dusty west Texas plains and reside in the bustling metropolis of... that's right, LUBBOCK!!!!! I have an awesome new job working as a collegiate counselor at the Ranch at Dove Tree, a residential treatment center for substance abuse and chemical dependency. I love it! I am not so sure about Lubbock though lol. Time will tell. All I can say is that God has his hand in all this, not exactly sure how yet, but what can I do but trust?

Well with this change, I decided to start a new Bible study. It has always been a desire of mine to grow more intimate with God and I felt the best way to do this was to become intimate with the characteristics and qualities of who He is. I plan on doing this through a study of his many, many, many names. I found this study on www.crosswalk.com entitled "Praying the Names of God." I thought I would share my journey with you... (whoever you are). So here we go!

GOD/JESUS

ALIAS 1: IMMANUEL- God with us

Matthew 1:18-23
This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her fiance, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. "Joseph, son of David" the angel said, "do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord's message through his prophet:
"Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and they will call him IMMANUEL, which means 'God is with us.'

There was a time when God walked with his creations, however this has not occurred since the Garden of Eden. This time ended when sin entered the world. Because of this sin, we are separated from our creator, deserving a fate far worse than death... eternal separation from God. Paul states in Romans that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and because of this we deserve our fate. "for the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" This too me is overwhelming. Every time I screw up, every time I feel helpless or hopeless, tangled by my own evil desires and sinful nature, I can't help believe the lie that God doesn't love me and that I have f***** up one too many times for him to bring me back to restoration. But then I remember, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him, shall not parish but have everlasting life." Once again, our God came to walk among us, to be with us. How awesome is that! Even now, as Christ is with the Father, he gave us the Spirit to be with us, to guide us, to help us. Our creator loves us that he chose to be with us that we may be redeemed and restored. This is our Immanuel! I hope you will take time to reflect and remember that God is with you and will always be with you!