So the weekend did not go according to plan. Recently, I purchased the "life recovery" Bible because of its use of 12-step and celebrate recovery principles through scripture and prayer. It has amazing tools not only for the field I work in but for my life, my personal sin, and the constant messes I find myself in spiritually. I have been working through a particular bible study that follows through the 12 steps and I am beginning the 4th step as of this evening. Now, the 4th steps states that "we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves" I have done a 4th step inventory before and it was by far one of the most emotionally difficult things I have done. Honestly, I didn't want to revisit it, or even reflect on it, so instead of doing the healthy and proper thing. I chose to ignore it and put off my Bible studies and time with God. This led to a number of things that made this weekend for me less then pleasant (on an emotional and spiritual level). Thankfully it was only a few days and not weeks to months on end of rebellion and vicious cycles of nasty habits and self loathing. So, here I am today, ready to once again revisit those places inside me that while maybe dark to even my own eyes, the "light of the world" can see.
It is funny how timing works. Of course I think this is God and his sense of humor or irony if you will. The step 4 bible study focused on Adam and Eve, and how they hid from God and yet he knew where they were and what they did. At the same time, the study I am doing on the names of God continues to focus on the name for Christ: "light of the World"
As that light, nothing is hid from God. "darkness is as light" to him. I have also been reading through the Psalms and praying Psalms 19:12-14
How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
This life we walk through is never easy; the way we cope with it is sometimes very unhealthy; and often times we, especially me, I get stuck in these unhealthy behaviors, unhealthy coping patterns and repetitively and incessantly fail. It is that lack of control and need to daily give it over to God. So, Just for today, I will give my troubles, my shame, my guilt, and even my joy over to the one who sees all, and gives grace and rest to all. One of my favorite passages is as follows.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-- with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
Psalm 103:9-19
Monday, July 11, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Fresh air and will power...
Today at work, our clients got into an interesting discussion during one of their process groups. Why do people relapse? Each had his or her own idea, but most came to the conclusion that i had to do with following through with their program. In my previous job, I was able to see people who held down 10 or more years of sobriety. The number 1 reason they relapse was because they became confident, saying things such as "I got this," quit going to their 12-step meetings, stopped communicating with their sponsors, stopped going to church or connecting with a higher power. In essence they stopped working their program.
Tonight, in continuing to study the names of God, I revisited this idea of working a program. If Christ is the "light of the world," and we are to walk in the light as He is in the light," then how can I attain this.
This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 1 John 1:5 - 7
In this life, in present body and present world, I will never be able to be perfect. My flesh is sinful. It is through the blood of Christ I am made pure, but how can I make the choices, control thoughts and attitudes which are often times automatic so that I do not walk in darkness. How come I keep on sinning? My conclusion is that I do not work my program. We have an excellent text, not the Big Book of AA, rather the Bible. God commanded Joshua on how to live:
Be strong and very courageous. Obey all the laws Moses gave you. Do not turn away from them, and you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of the Law continually. Meditate on it day and night so you may be sure to obey all that is written in it. Only then will you succeed. I command you -- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:7-9
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6
Jesus replied, "You must love the Lord our God with all your heart, all your sould, and all your mind. This is the first and greates commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40
I could keep writing things that come to mind- "set your mind on things above not on earthly things..." "be anxious about nothing but through prayer and petition present your requests to God."
The truth is, I don't do these things. I don't turn to God first. I often times stop having my daily communion with him, I stop reading scripture and meditating, I stop putting others before me. I stop my program. I believe it is possible to live like Christ because he gave us all authority that he was given, the problem is, I don't keep up the work. I believe Christ put it best when he stated:
"If you want to be my follower you must love me more than your own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters -- yes, more than your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And you cannot be my disciple if you do not carry your own cross and follow me. Luke 14:26-27
Tonight, in continuing to study the names of God, I revisited this idea of working a program. If Christ is the "light of the world," and we are to walk in the light as He is in the light," then how can I attain this.
This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 1 John 1:5 - 7
In this life, in present body and present world, I will never be able to be perfect. My flesh is sinful. It is through the blood of Christ I am made pure, but how can I make the choices, control thoughts and attitudes which are often times automatic so that I do not walk in darkness. How come I keep on sinning? My conclusion is that I do not work my program. We have an excellent text, not the Big Book of AA, rather the Bible. God commanded Joshua on how to live:
Be strong and very courageous. Obey all the laws Moses gave you. Do not turn away from them, and you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of the Law continually. Meditate on it day and night so you may be sure to obey all that is written in it. Only then will you succeed. I command you -- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:7-9
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6
Jesus replied, "You must love the Lord our God with all your heart, all your sould, and all your mind. This is the first and greates commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40
I could keep writing things that come to mind- "set your mind on things above not on earthly things..." "be anxious about nothing but through prayer and petition present your requests to God."
The truth is, I don't do these things. I don't turn to God first. I often times stop having my daily communion with him, I stop reading scripture and meditating, I stop putting others before me. I stop my program. I believe it is possible to live like Christ because he gave us all authority that he was given, the problem is, I don't keep up the work. I believe Christ put it best when he stated:
"If you want to be my follower you must love me more than your own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters -- yes, more than your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And you cannot be my disciple if you do not carry your own cross and follow me. Luke 14:26-27
Monday, July 4, 2011
If I were king of the forrest....
"When we are born we're afraid of the darkness, and then we're afraid of the light" -Aerosmith-
How true is that statement? As a child, I remember going to Natural Bridge Caverns outside San Antonio. What I hated the most was the moment they would shut the lights off throughout the cavern. I knew it was coming every time, they even counted down and prepped you for it. However, as soon as those lights shut off, it was as if I was all alone, swallowed by darkness. So what did I do? I reached backward to ensure my mother was still standing there and didn't disappear. As a child, things lived in the dark. Monsters like the Cucui (boogeyman), ghosts, chucky, freddy (yes I watched horror movies as a child when I shouldn't have- I blame my sister ha ha). Now, as an adult, I know nothing will come out of the darkness and eat me. I still have trouble letting my feet dangle from the bed at night but you have to understand how scary the CuCui really is. Okay so humor aside, something transforms in us as we transition into adult hood. At some point, our innocence becomes lost. We look forward to being scared- hence the love of horror movies, and haunted houses. We look forward to misbehaving, and when our behavior is called to light, we scatter. Like roaches when the light turns on we run and hide, afraid someone might see who we really are and what we are really like.
Darkness as black as night will cover all the nations of the earth, but the glory of the LORD will shine over you. Isaiah 60:2
The prophet Isaiah spoke of a spiritual darkness, covering all the nations and people of the earth. It is here in this darkness that we fumble around, trying to make some sense of our existence, deciding what is good is bad, and what is bad is good. However, we have hope. The savior God promised, the "light of the world"
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12
The truth is, darkness can not hide us from God. He knows us inside and out, he remembers us when we were still dust according to the Psalms.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Psalm 139:11 - 12
In my sin, I would love to run and hide, to keep this secret from my God. However, darkness is as light. The only thing that hides my shame and sin from the eyes of the Father is the blood of the Son. Christ is the reason I stand before my God with confidence, even when I know I should cower and run. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it. Hebrews 4:6.
Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come fearlessly into God's presence, assured of his glad welcome. Ephesians 3:12.
Once again I recommend this prayer as I too pray for myself and others.
How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep me from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalms 19:12-14
How true is that statement? As a child, I remember going to Natural Bridge Caverns outside San Antonio. What I hated the most was the moment they would shut the lights off throughout the cavern. I knew it was coming every time, they even counted down and prepped you for it. However, as soon as those lights shut off, it was as if I was all alone, swallowed by darkness. So what did I do? I reached backward to ensure my mother was still standing there and didn't disappear. As a child, things lived in the dark. Monsters like the Cucui (boogeyman), ghosts, chucky, freddy (yes I watched horror movies as a child when I shouldn't have- I blame my sister ha ha). Now, as an adult, I know nothing will come out of the darkness and eat me. I still have trouble letting my feet dangle from the bed at night but you have to understand how scary the CuCui really is. Okay so humor aside, something transforms in us as we transition into adult hood. At some point, our innocence becomes lost. We look forward to being scared- hence the love of horror movies, and haunted houses. We look forward to misbehaving, and when our behavior is called to light, we scatter. Like roaches when the light turns on we run and hide, afraid someone might see who we really are and what we are really like.
Darkness as black as night will cover all the nations of the earth, but the glory of the LORD will shine over you. Isaiah 60:2
The prophet Isaiah spoke of a spiritual darkness, covering all the nations and people of the earth. It is here in this darkness that we fumble around, trying to make some sense of our existence, deciding what is good is bad, and what is bad is good. However, we have hope. The savior God promised, the "light of the world"
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12
The truth is, darkness can not hide us from God. He knows us inside and out, he remembers us when we were still dust according to the Psalms.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Psalm 139:11 - 12
In my sin, I would love to run and hide, to keep this secret from my God. However, darkness is as light. The only thing that hides my shame and sin from the eyes of the Father is the blood of the Son. Christ is the reason I stand before my God with confidence, even when I know I should cower and run. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it. Hebrews 4:6.
Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come fearlessly into God's presence, assured of his glad welcome. Ephesians 3:12.
Once again I recommend this prayer as I too pray for myself and others.
How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep me from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalms 19:12-14
Saturday, July 2, 2011
You, light up my life....
I know there wasn't a post yesterday, the study I am doing apparently has 2 day rests. Weekend maybe? Not sure. Well as stated earlier, I am doing a study on the names of God. Specifically, this study is on the names of Christ.
NAMES:
IMMANUEL- God with us.
This Week: "Light of the World"
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all people.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
There was a man sent from God whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. John 1:3 - 9
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12
As I think of this concept, I think about the times I have gone to candle light services on Christmas Eve. It is symbolic of the "light" coming into the world through the birth of Jesus. The room starts of completely dark, almost pitch black. Then, a single candle is lit. It is amazing how much darkness is pushed back from just the light of a single candlestick. The light however does not stop there, it begins to spread from candlestick to candlestick until all are lit. The room becomes a glow with a multitude of candles.
You are the light of the world -- like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. Matthew 5:14-16
When Christ came into the world, he came to pierce the darkness, not only in the world, but in our hearts. Because of this, we too become light. We shine the light of God for others to see. As the "light" works in our hearts, certain things come to light, things I often wish would stay hidden. I never enjoy looking back at my secret sins, and hidden shame. However, they must be brought to light so that Christ can redeem me, so that I can be made whole. I was reading in Psalms 19 today and I decided that the prayer of David is a prayer I should pray every day. I encourage others to do the same.
How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep me from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalms 19:12-14
AMEN!
NAMES:
IMMANUEL- God with us.
This Week: "Light of the World"
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all people.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
There was a man sent from God whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. John 1:3 - 9
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12
As I think of this concept, I think about the times I have gone to candle light services on Christmas Eve. It is symbolic of the "light" coming into the world through the birth of Jesus. The room starts of completely dark, almost pitch black. Then, a single candle is lit. It is amazing how much darkness is pushed back from just the light of a single candlestick. The light however does not stop there, it begins to spread from candlestick to candlestick until all are lit. The room becomes a glow with a multitude of candles.
You are the light of the world -- like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. Matthew 5:14-16
When Christ came into the world, he came to pierce the darkness, not only in the world, but in our hearts. Because of this, we too become light. We shine the light of God for others to see. As the "light" works in our hearts, certain things come to light, things I often wish would stay hidden. I never enjoy looking back at my secret sins, and hidden shame. However, they must be brought to light so that Christ can redeem me, so that I can be made whole. I was reading in Psalms 19 today and I decided that the prayer of David is a prayer I should pray every day. I encourage others to do the same.
How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep me from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalms 19:12-14
AMEN!
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