Hi, My name is Mike and I'm a sinner...

Often times, in my line of work I get asked if I am in recovery. My answer is usually ambivalent. I tell people in a sense yes and a sense no. The truth is, I have no addiction to a chemical substance. Have I struggled with substance abuse in the past? Emphatically, I must say yes. I have bordered on the line of alcoholism and made some pretty stupid choices. However, by the grace of God, my consequences were nil, and I was able to recognize my patterns of behavior and took control and changed the negative behaviors. I enjoy certain pharmacological pills; I know if I get a hold of them, it will be difficult to stop taking them. I enjoy them that much. Again, by the grace of God, I have not pursued these pills and when I do have them, I am learning to get rid of them without taking them. So no, I am not in recovery that I have to go to a meeting every day for 90 days or 90/90.

I do however,have some things in my life I consider an ongoing battle, a struggle, an addiction. These are things I am not proud of, in fact, I am ashamed, often times riddled with guilt. As I do this study on the names of God, I can't help but be amazed that He is IMMANUEL, God with us.

Take into account Peter. I have read his story over and over and today I realized something new, not about Peter but about IMMANUEL.

Luke 5:1-11
One day as Jesus was preaching on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, great crowds pressed in on him to listen to the word of God. he noticed two empty boats at the water's edge, for the fishermen had left them and were washing their nets. Stepping into one of the boats, Jesus asked Simon, its owner, to push it out into the water. So he sat in the boat and taught the crowds from there. When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish." "master," Simon replied, "we worked hard all last night and didn't catch a thing. But if you say so, I'll let the nets down again." And this time their nets were so full of fish, they began to tear! A shout for help brought their partners in the other boat, and soon both boats were filled with fish and on the verge of sinking. When Simon Peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before Jesus and said, "OH,LORD, PLEASE LEAVE ME-- I'M TOO MUCH OF A SINNER TO BE AROUND YOU." For he was awestruck by the number of fish they had caught, as were the others with him. His partners, James and John, the sons of Zebedee were also amazed. Jesus replied to Simon, "Don't be afraid! From now on you'll be fishing for people!" And as soon as they landed, they left everything and followed Jesus.

HOLY CRAP! Peter immediately recognized how much of a sinner he was and unworthy to be in the presence of someone who was holy and filled with the power of God. At this point, he didn't even know that Jesus was IMMANUEL, the one who would restore and save him. And Jesus' reply... "DON'T BE AFRAID! FROM NOW ON YOU'LL BE FISHING FOR PEOPLE" In other words, come and be a part of who I am and the work I have come to do. If you continue to read the story of Peter you will see that the man is a complete and utter disaster. He fell on his face numerous times, denied ever knowing Christ, doubted the power of Jesus on a number of occasions, and almost always completely missed the point Jesus was trying to make. And all Jesus did was walk with him, love him, DIED for him and used him in an amazing manner.

As I reflect on this, I see myself. I do the exact same thing. When I get into my habitual sin, persistent failures I try to hide from God. Rather than say "PLEASE GO AWAY FROM ME," I just run the opposite direction. I should be an Olympic medalist by now. I would rather hide my face from him and live in darkness, than come to him with my shame and guilt. Problem is, He is IMMANUEL! He is with me, even when I can't sense him because of my stubborn and foolish pride. King David said it best...

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
f I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Psalms 139:1-12

There is nothing I can do, nowhere I can hide. He is after all IMMANUEL! How awesome!

So am I in recovery? YES! My name is Mike and I am addicted to sin.